Bitter sweet day

March 1, 2007 was the date of my first bone marrow transplant.  Twelve years ago today.  In some respects, it's hard to believe that it's been that long, but in other ways it feels like yesterday.  I'm going to be honest and say that the past couple days have been difficult for me.  My pleasant disposition (some may disagree) has been more frustration and general melancholy.  I will forever be grateful to my sister for being my first donor.  She gave me 11 years of healthy bone marrow, and it would have continued if it hadn't been for me looking so appetizing to a friggin tick.  I truly believe he or she was the culprit. 

Every year since T1 (transplant #1) , I had some sort of celebration for the anniversary and expected a gift.  I mean a good gift. LOL! This year I just feel sad and angry.  I'm pissed that it happened to me again and I don't get to celebrate 12 years.  I'm pissed that my body is screwed up and I'm always exhausted.  I'm pissed that my hair looks like shit and my nails are weak and brittle.  I'm pissed that food still tastes weird and I have to take a lot of meds. I'm pissed that my body aches all the time. I'm pissed that I feel so lonely sometimes and even my friends in the box (TV) are pissing me off with their nonsense.  Don't even get me started about the lunacy on Facebook!!  This all should have been over with T1!!  I have even cried a couple times the past few days.  It hasn't been easy.  I don't think I'm going to celebrate T2 (transplant #2)  this year, but we'll see how I feel next month. Yes, it will be one year next month.  I still expect a gift or two. (Lee, hint hint)

On the other hand, I still believe that things happen for a reason and maybe God thinks I'm one badass who can handle it all.  My faith hasn't been shaken.  I may have lessons I need to learn or lessons I need to share.  That is why I try to do everything I can to raise awareness about the bone marrow registry. Whether it's writing a book, blog or rap song, I'm not going to stop educating and learning. My next blog may be about things that are helpful to say to a sick or recovering person and things that aren't helpful.

I'm actually feeling better now and need to make dinner, so...
Peace out Peeps