This F'en C Virus

When I first heard about the Corona Virus it made me nervous, but as I read more I was a little less afraid.  Then I read that it really only kills people who have a serious illness or are immunocompromised...hello, that would be me, so now I'm freaking the fuck out!  I'm following the rules and washing my hands constantly and disinfecting the surfaces that my family touches.  I'm becoming obsessed. 

Both my husband and son work around the public and that scares me, not only for myself, but for them too.  I'm not sure that they are being as diligent as I am and now the tailspin is beginning.  Are they really washing their hands as soon as they walk into the house?  Are they trying to keep their hands away from their faces?  Oh my gosh, I can't breath just thinking about all this.  Tears are literally welling up in my eyes while I'm typing. 

Yesterday I was a little freaked out, but not too bad UNTIL.. the Mayor posted about things being cancelled.  Now I'm beside myself.  Is this C virus really bad or not?  I don't know what's happening!!  Has the media blown this all out of proportion and are they the ones causing a panic?  WHAT THE HELL IS REALLY GOING ON???  Does anyone really know?  Now I'm getting a little pissed.  Is everyone being Chicken Little or is the herd being thinned out?  Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out.

I didn't sleep very well last night thinking about all this.  I have my comedy workshop on Wednesdays and I have absolutely no intention of missing it.  It is the best part of my week and it's filled with laughter.  Then there is the graduation showcase next month, so this stupid face virus better not mess with my joy!  I also have tickets to a show at the Ridgefield Playhouse on Saturday night that I'm really looking forward to.  You know what?  Screw this C virus!!!

Here's a little known fact about me,  I live in fear quite often.  I'm terrified of being being bitten by a tick again and having MDS and Leukemia come back.  Two transplants are more than enough for me.  So being afraid of ticks means I'm nervous being outside for any length of time.  I would love to go for a walk outside, but I just can't.  It's hard enough running outside to try to stop the dogs from digging up the yard.  I'm afraid of mold, it can injure my bone marrow.  If I smell or see the hint of mold, I'm in a slight panic.  If someone is sneezing or coughing near me, all the color drains from my face.  It's not an easy way to live.  I can usually muddle through.

This C virus has done something to me.  I've been through so much shit for the past three years, that I'm angry that I'm dealing with this fear now.  I actually woke up this morning feeling defeated.  I never feel defeated!  I burst out into tears, because the fear is overwhelming.  I don't cry very often, but I'm shaken to my core over this.  I think I'm just so tired of being afraid.  Since I was diagnosed 13 years ago, there has always been an underlying fear of the c word returning and guess what...it did!  So multiply that fear by 10 and that's what I live with every day.  It sucks so bad!  Now with the threat of C virus my anxiety is off the friggin' charts.  I can't take being afraid of another thing!  This is overwhelming!  I will carry on doing the things I love, but this sucks!!  I also wish I knew the truth!  I hope the sky isn't falling.  This panic better not just be some political game.  The misinformation going around could have some dire consequences to peoples' health and well-being. 

See there, I went from fear to anger.  Please everyone, use your brains!!  I need to use mine too.  I've given this stupid virus too much of me already.  Time to write some comedy and give this C virus the big F you!!! 

Peace out Peeps 🐥